What do you do? What do you say when someone comes to you in the middle of their depression. Statistically, nearly 1 in 10 people will go through some depressive episode this year, so there is a very good chance that a friend or even family meme we will reach out to you. Here are 7 things you can do to help that person you care about. Be a fruit bearer. Help that person who needs you through this dark, difficult demon of depression.
From a Biblical perspective, the experience of emotional suffering is not unexpected. Scripture addresses sorrow, despair, and a lack of hope that comes as a result of a fallen world. Anyone familiar with the praise and promises of the Psalms is also keenly aware of the “dark night of the soul” lamented in such passages as Psalm 69:2-3, “Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold. I am in deep water and the floods overwhelm me. I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping.” Those who know the Bible know those verses. Those who know depression know those feelings.
There are multiple faces of depression. Here are a few of the most common:
1.Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
Major Depressive Disorder is characterized by persistent and overwhelming feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and a lack of interest or pleasure in daily activities. Symptoms typically last for at least two weeks and often impair a person’s ability to function. MDD can vary in severity and may occur as a single episode or recur throughout a person’s life.
2.Bipolar Disorder
Formerly known as manic depression, bipolar disorder includes extreme mood swings between emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). While not always categorized strictly under depression, the depressive episodes of bipolar disorder are profound and require significant attention.
3.Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
SAD is a type of depression related to changes in seasons, usually beginning in the fall and continuing through the winter months. The lack of sunlight during these periods is believed to disrupt circadian rhythms and serotonin levels, contributing to depressive symptoms.
4.Postpartum Depression (PPD)
PPD occurs in some women after childbirth and is much more intense than the “baby blues.” It can interfere with a mother’s ability to care for her baby and herself, often causing severe mood swings, exhaustion, and feelings of helplessness.
While these and other depression types are markedly different, there are some common symptoms that most people present. We might call these the opposite of the Galatian “fruit of the Spirit” and call them the fruit of depression, pain, anger despair, helplessness, hopelessness, loneliness, emptiness, turmoil, and inner sadness.
So what can we offer the friend or family member who comes to us with these deep, dark, difficult feelings? Here are seven suggestions:
1. Just Listen
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to help is to listen. James 1:19 advises believers to be “quick to listen, slow to speak.” Active listening without judgment or trying to offer immediate solutions can make the person feel seen and valued. Allow them to express their feelings and fears without dismissing their pain.
2.Just Pray
Prayer changes things. Praying with a person who is struggling with depression gives them comfort and reminds them of God’s presence. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Prayer invites God’s peace, which surpasses all understanding.
3.The Word of God
The Bible addresses suffering and offers hope. Sharing verses like Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” is uplifting. Allow the “words” of the Bible to give instruction, provide information, and offer inspiration. And allow the “Spirit” of the Bible to supernaturally produce a calming, comforting counsel. Many times, in my counseling office I have spent a significant amount of time just reading the psalms over a depressed individual.
4.Refer, Refer, Refer
While spiritual support is essential, depression often requires professional treatment. Encouraging someone to seek therapy or speak with a healthcare provider shows that faith and medical intervention can coexist. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance a people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Seeking wisdom from qualified professionals is a wise and Biblical course of action. Remove the shame from professional counseling or psychiatric medication.
5.Offer Community
Feelings of isolation can deepen depression. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds believers, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together… but encouraging one another.” Encourage the depressed person to be in a life group, attend a Bible study, be in church, stay connected.
6.Don’t Minimize
It can be tempting to try to “fix” someone’s depression by offering advice or reminding them to be grateful. However, depression is a serious condition that rarely resolves with simple solutions. Romans 12:15 encourages believers to “weep with those who weep,” emphasizing empathy and the willingness to share in another’s sorrow without minimizing it. Take very seriously any talk about self harm and be willing to ask awkward questions if you feel a concern for safety.
7.Offer Fruit
Sometimes, helping with practical needs like running errands, cooking meals, or offering childcare can alleviate some of the daily burdens that depression magnifies. Galatians 5:22 tells us what to offer. “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in us; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Acts of service are tangible expressions of God’s love.
More than anything else, when that depressed person comes to you, they are looking for a shoulder to lean on. It is not easy. It often is not quick. But you can be that person.
(These thoughts are a prelude to a book I contributed to that will come out in the spring.)
