Here’s the video https://youtu.be/O5nLSvuvtMg
What do we mean when we talk about the love of God? How can we be sure that He loves us when we are so often unlovable? Here is a quick look at Attachment Theory and how I can draw from that a better understanding of the amazing love of God for me.
John Bowlby in the late 1950’s made popular a way of looking at our human relationships based on the “security” of the attachment we made with our caregivers in our very early years, usually by the time we were 3. He called this approach Attachment Theory. Bowlby suggested 4 primary attachment styles that we can observe in adults, each one directly connected to their early formation. This is a gross oversimplification.
- ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT – characterized by up and down, in and out relationships. The Anxious Style has a very low regard for self and his/her ability to be “loveable.” That is coupled with a very high regard for the object of their affection so that I am constantly unsure of the others love for me because of my shortcomings and weaknesses.
- FEARFUL ATTACHMENT – has a very low regard for self AND a low regard for others. Not only am I never good enough but even if I was, I could not trust my partner to really love me. This person walks around with their fingers on the pulse of the relationship, always afraid of rejection.
- DISMISSIVE ATTACHMENT – has a low regard for others and, therefore, high self-assurance and confidence in his/her ability to make it without another person. I don’t really need anyone else, I can do it on my own. Until they can’t and then they run to the other in hopes of being saved.
- SECURE ATTACHMENT – is balanced and sure about the love of the other, not based on personal ability but because of a confidence in the character of the lover and therefore the acceptability of themselves. I know that Doris loves me, not because I always get it right but because of who she is.
What does that have to do with God? He is the supreme example of secure attachment. He is the source of any confidence I have in myself to be loveable. Because if His grace, I can be sure of His love for me, and I can love others in the same way. Look at Romans 8:38-39 “Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Go out this week SECURE in His love for you, and offering that kind of love to those people that matter most to you.
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