Have you ever been caught in one of those situations where your efforts to help were turned against you and everything was worse instead of better? What do you do when your best efforts are misunderstood, rejected, and used as a club to batter you with? It happens to the best of us. Here are 4 ways to respond when helping hurts.
First, watch the video. https://youtu.be/LGo4F1drux0
Even the Apostle Paul got caught being attacked for trying to help. 2 Corinthians is a letter to people who have turned on him after he tried to fix their broken church. He says, in chapter 2:1-4. “So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you. 2 For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved? 3 I wrote as I did, so that when I came I would not be distressed by those who should have made me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy. 4 For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.” He is saying, “Man, I tried to help and all I did was make you mad. You missed the point of my endeavor.”
So, what do you do?
- Do what you can until you can’t. Keep helping. Keep loving. Keep trying. Until it becomes so toxic and so damaging to you that you just have to step back, maybe not forever, but for awhile. And when you do, don’t feel guilty or ashamed. The best thing you can do in any relationship is keep yourself healthy.
- Expect what you get and nothing more. Listen, hurting people hurt people. You probably aren’t going to be able to fix that or change them. Offer help because it is the right thing to do, not because you expect some great outcome. Leave the results to God and don’t be surprised if the whole thing gets worse before it gets better.
- Leave it where it is and don’t take it with you. This is the hardest part but don’t carry the pain around with you. I promise you the person who has turned on you does not. Get a nice little box. Put the situation in it. Tape it up and put it on a shelf in the garage. Go on with the life and love that God has given you. Which leads to the last point,
- Give it to God and take His love in return. Remember, God loves you with an everlasting love. He has called you His little child. The devil will want to take the words of the other person and make you think nobody loves you and your life is a miserable failure. NOT TRUE! Focus on the love of God and the many loving people He has put in your life. He will rescue you from this mess. Just let Him do it.
Shortly before Paul wrote chapter 2 in 2 Corinthians, he wrote this is chapter 1. “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again.” God is bringing you through this to teach you something. Let Him and know that He will help you when your helping hurts.
